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My journey as a singer has been far from conventional…
I came to singing quite late in life but I think I have always loved singing well before I could even realise it. As a child in Italy, I began playing piano at the age of 5 and do not remember a single day passing by without me sitting and practicing this beautiful instrument. In my family, I was surrounded by classical music and opera and I was actually singing all the time, although it had never dawned on me that I could actually be a singer. I continued my piano studies, in parallel to my University law degree, and then the time came to make a choice…. Although I lived and breathed music, I took a more traditional decision in becoming a lawyer, as I could not see myself being a professional pianist (and singing was not part of the equation back then…).
But my piano remained essential for me, so I kept playing and studying and practicing even after I started working as a lawyer. It was during a masterclass I attended in Granada, Spain, that singing unexpectedly appeared. The course organisers had asked all instrumentists to sing in the choir for the end of course concert. At first, I was not particularly happy about it (after eight hours of piano every day, two additional hours rehearsing in a choir was not exactly ideal). But I said yes. I said yes, because my heart said yes… And it was then, in one single moment, that I fell completely, deeply and madly in love with singing. In that very moment, the “why” came back to me, the “why” that kept me always singing as a child, the “why” that told me that this is what I was meant to do. But, as I had just started a career as a lawyer, that calling had to be put on hold…
However, I had come back from that course with an intense yearning to find a singing teacher and learn. And so the odyssey began. I read article after article, book after book, saw many singing teachers, being first classed as an alto (because of my lower tessitura and the timbre of my voice), then as a mezzo soprano, and finally as a lirico spinto or dramatic soprano. I started professional singing studies at the Conservatoire in Vibo Valentia, Italy, and graduated with the compliments of the jury and a warm encouragement to pursue a career in singing. I started to give some concerts in Italy and in Belgium, where I had joined an international law firm…
And again, despite all these studies, and as much as my concerts were greeted with
enthusiasm, I knew inside me this was not it. I was singing intuitively (my Italian genes must have helped with this) and I felt as everything was based on guesswork, muscular tension and pushing my voice… Singing was a struggle. I did it with all my soul but my body did not know what to do really… Despite all my trips to several professors around Europe and all the reading and efforts to try to understand, I knew that I still possessed very little technique.
Throughout this continuous quest and research, during which I also managed to meet the man of my life and have three wonderful children, I kept looking…
And finally, after years of searching, I met Catrin and then Janice in London and they opened a whole new world to me. Needless to say that their verdict was quite tough: beautiful voice but lacking technique. Depressing as it was, I simply could not imagine myself not singing. So I had no choice but believing and trusting them and start all over again. And it literally was starting all over again…
It was complicated and challenging, but I knew in my heart that this was worth it… And I am so grateful that I said yes to this miraculous journey, which was not only a journey of learning to find my true voice and develop its full potential, but also a life journey of discovering myself… It was no fairy tale and a definite emotional rollercoaster. I seriously thought on several occasions that I would give up… Courage and patience were my mantras…
And, of course, I started to become fascinated with every single detail that creates an
operatic sound and how a little tilt in your chin, larynx, a millimetre of difference in the
position of your tongue, soft palate, your posture can completely transform the quality of your sound. And little by little, magic started to unfold. My high notes were there, the vowels were spinning, my body supported the sound, it was amazing to finally understand the famous “appoggio”, this breath sustaining (in all possible ways) your sound, being a kind companion, a little thread of voice landing on this gentle and strong velvety mattress and becoming a “cathedral” (“un soffio é la mia voce” says one of my favourite arias from Adriana Lecouvreur).
All the fragmented pieces of the puzzle I had collected during previous years amazingly
came together… It is quite difficult to explain in words how it felt like I was in a prison cell, caught in very tight ropes and little by little the ropes were being cut, gradually, one by one, and with every rope cut out I felt a little bit freer and then, all of a sudden, the prison door was open…
Understanding the voice was, and has become even more now, the passion of my life. I love learning about its mechanics, dive in all the recent scientific developments (in vocal pedagogy and in neuroscience) that back up what belcanto masters intuitively taught and knew.
I do wonder what is really behind this research of vocal technique and knowing how the voice works? I once heard a dancer say that the only purpose of mastering a technique is to make sure the body does not prevent the soul from expressing itself.…. It is the same for singing. At some point, it is no longer about the high note or the coloratura or all the million details you focus on for years, but it is about singing freely and being able to express it all truly and deeply, about leaving the channel wide open, relaxed … and then music flowing through one’s body… literally becoming living, vibrating air…
Singing has become the most profound expression of who I really am. The combination of this hard work and beautiful simplicity, simultaneously, is overwhelming and brings me to tears every single time I open my mouth. Singing is now pure joy and emotion. I am forever grateful to the teachers who were able to accompany me all along, as I discovered this wonderful gift. I am still learning and it is the purpose of a lifetime but my life has been changed and I am still enjoying every breath of this extraordinary journey.
I feel truly blessed to be able to share it and hope I can pass on, at least, a little glimpse of the sheer wonder and aliveness I now feel when I sing.
